Mending What We've Lost
by Layna Remi
Summary: This is a tie into my last Story, " Before It's Too Late." Please read before you read this story. This is all the missing pieces of how Erin and Jay mended their partnership. A Huge thank you to Lindstead Love who helped me with this story!
1. What lead us here

Hello Everyone, I am so sorry, I realized after a conversation with Linstead Love that I have left out so much, this chapter was actually supposed to be in the story but I messed up and skipped it completely. With some amazing help from Linstead Love who gave me some great ideas for what to include I am writing this part two, off all the moments missed. Please Read and Review Thank you Love Layna.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

It was eerily quiet, a light flicking in the distant and the distinct smell of gunfire filled the air. There was no sign of the shooters or of Jay and this scared the team, they only evidence that Jay had been there by the nurses' station was the splatter on the wall. The team maneuvered around the floor, broken glass and dry wall littered the floor and soon Adam found something that made his blood run cold.

"Over here," He yelled in a whisper, Erin ran over and stopped dead, it was Jay's badge and gun.

"Where is he," Atwater asked in frustration. Erin pushed passed them and continued down the hallway, ducking in and out of the rooms. Her heart pounded, she hoped that she did not find the shooters but even more so she hoped to God that she did not find her partner dead.

"Jay," She called, she listened closely and that's when she heard the slight groan down the hall, She motioned over Hank but didn't wait, she ran down the hall quickly checking the rooms until she found him, he stared at her, gasping for air with blood trickling from his shoulder and chest, coating the floor beneath him. "Oh my god Jay," She holstered her gun and ran to him.

"Erin, no," He called out to her but as she fell to her knees next to him she heard the click of a gun and the muzzle touching her head.

"Stand up," The voice growled from behind her. She looked at Jay with despair, she wanted to help him but here she was being the one in trouble now.

"Leave… Her… Alone," Jay yelled to the shooter.

"No Jay, it's okay," she said as she stood up and faced the man, the face she knew oh too well.

"A face I'll never forget, Bunny's daughter, you are the one I've been looking for," A wicked smile crossed over his face.

"Ronnie," Erin responded a look of pure disgust crossed her face as she looked at the aged man.

"You show no remorse for putting me away, I saved your ass."

"By giving my mother drugs, yeah, you really saved my ass." She scoffed in disgust.

"As I recall Thatcher was after your mother and using you and I got him to back off and this is how you repay me, getting me put in jail."

"I changed my life around; I don't regret putting you away, keeping my mother alive, I had seen her OD to many times."

"Well now you will pay, it ends here."

"The Hell it does," Hank appeared in the doorway, gun raised and a hateful look on his face.

"Ahh, Hank the other one on my list now if only… oh, Detective Olinsky nice of you to join us, " Al walked up behind Hank and he had his raised weapon.

"We found your men, why'd you kill them," Al and Ruzek had found two dead men just a few rooms down from the nurse station.

"They were useless to me; they were going to flake out."

"Still Paranoid I see."

"Not Paranoid Hank just cautious," He waved the gun but quickly returned it to Erin's head. She breathed heavily in frustration, she looked at Hank pleading him to take the shot as she listened to Jay's labored breathing.

"Al and I put you away, this isn't about Erin, or the other Detective and he needs help."

"You think I care about the cops," He pointed his gun at Jay.

"No!" Erin yanked the gun up just as Ronnie fired.

"You bitch," he shoved her to the floor but before he could get a shot Hank fired hitting him and killing the man instantly. Erin breathed out in relief before scrabbling over to Jay and placing her hands over his chest wound.

"Jay," She could see him fading fast. "We need someone right now!" Hank ran out of the room and toward the elevator as Al took over for Erin.

"Well… look who came… crawling back," Jay flashed her a smile.

"Don't flatter yourself Halstead, I was saving informants."

"I'm sure… Don't think… you'll be… the driver again."

"Burgess let's you drive, is she insane," He laughed but he began to cough and he looked in an immense amount of pain and worst of all blood stained his teeth.

"Shh, you'll be okay," She ran her hand though his hair.

"Put your hands back I'm going to go check on the help." Alvin ran out, leaving them alone.

"Jay, you've gotta be okay, I'm crazy in love with you and I know I was horrible to you but I was just being stupid Jay," Tears welled in her eyes; Jay reached a shaky hand up and cupped her face.

"Don't… cry," He wiped away her tears, a wave of pain hit him and his breath was taken away.

"No… No… No Jay, come on please I want to be with you, I mean I can see my whole life with you."

"Me… and you…"

"Yes, me and you, we could go to that cabin you were talking about remember."

"You… didn't want… to go."

"Yeah but I want to know, I want to be with you I trust you." He smiled again but this time it was more lethargic, and his eyes were drooping. "Jay come on stay with me," She pleaded but his eyes flutter shut and the hand that caressed her cheek fell limp to the floor. "No, Jay, No come on, HELP," She yelled, it took a few times but soon a doctor rushed in with a nurse accompanying him. They gently pushed her to the side and at first, she was hesitant but Hank showed up and held her, she knew they were trying to help.

"I can't lose him," She cried, "I can't lose him."

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC


	2. The anxiety of Waiting

Hello All and thanks for reading, I am so glad that you like the first chapter and again I am so sorry for the wait but here is chapter two. Thank you love always, Layna.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, she was covered in blood and she looked as if she had aged twenty years. She scrubbed her hands vaguely underneath the faucet, turning the water crimson with Jay's blood. Jay's blood, she had seen blood before, she had seen Jules and obviously, Nadia and the thought of losing Jay destroyed her. She yanked a few paper towels from the dispenser and wiped her hands dry before giving herself one more once over in the mirror, before taking breathing out a shaky breath and pulling the door open. She rejoined her team in the waiting area and she realized that they look as bad as she did. Kim caught her eye especially; she could see the guilt and worry on her face as Adam squeezed her hand tight. Antonio stared off at nothing, lost in his own thoughts and Alvin and Kevin both gripped their coffee cups while making meaningless conversation.

She settled herself in a corner chair, even though she was technically back she still felt distances from the team, as if she had missed a lot because she was being stubborn and stupid. She looked down at her clothes, blood smeared them, it made her stomach knot up, and a wave of nausea passed through her.

"Here," The raspy voice of her surrogate father spoke as he tossed a pair of generic hospital scrubs in the chair beside her.

"Thanks," She murmured picking them up and placing them on her lap. She did not know what to say to Hank, they car ride to the hospital had been filled with panic and confusion and now here they were sitting together, nothing but silence surrounded them.

"Listen, I appreciate the fact that you kept my job safe, I know that was tough, I'm sure everyone was on your back about it."

"I told you Erin, like the first day you moved in with me, I'm gonna take care of you but you have to really put in an effort."

"I realize that any trust you had for me went down the drain when I bailed on the team and took the bars with Bunny."

"I'm not the only on that lost the trust, you didn't just leave me, you're going to have to gain it back and it won't be easy." She nodded her head and stood up with the scrubs in hand.

"Er," He called; she turned and looked to him with sadness in her eyes.

"You'll always be my family." She smiled a touch or relief in her eyes as she turned back around and headed to the bathroom.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

She sat in a daze for the remainder of the wait; it felt like they sat in silence waiting for days and the anticipation was killing her. She thought about her last minute confession to Jay and she wondered if her words were real or whether she said them out of fear. She knew the connection she shared with Jay was a complicated one, they had been together for such an expeditious period and in that time she could not really say the "L" word that passed her lips the minute she saw Jay slipping away.

He was always there for her; she knew that of course, that was what partners were for each other but then again most partners did not sleep together. She began to think back to all the ride along all the nights out, she knew the glimmer in his eye meant he was smitten but then she did not realize how much he meant. He made her laugh even when she was pissed at him and he was always right there when trouble had found her. All her feelings began to overwhelm her, she felt a slight panic attack to brew, what was happening, she vowed never to let Jay do this to her.

"Hey," They all jumped up as soon as Will walked into the waiting room with the doctor who had treated Jay.

"How is he?" Antonio beat her to it, he had just as much panic but also anger that Jay was even put in this position in the first place.

"Surgery went well, we retrieved both bullets, they nicked some vessels but we patched them up, he was very lucky." They all out a deep breath of relief in unison smiles and hugs were shared.

"When can we see him," Atwater asked.

"He is in recovery right now and I would really like to have him there for a little, though he is okay now it was a long surgery."

"We understand," Voight spoke.

"I suggest you all go home and get some rest, you can see him tomorrow." The doctor left and the team stood up reluctantly grabbing coats and bags and trudging out but Erin stayed behind and curled up in her chair.

"Come on Er, you heard her he will be in recovery overnight."

"Yeah and until then I will be right her." She pulled her coat over her shoulder.

"No come on, you can come home with me and I promise we can see him tomorrow."

"Hank this is my fault and I intend to see for myself that he is okay." Hank sighed and for a minute, she thought she had won because he left the room but she was mistaken. Abount two minutes later he returned and yanked her up and didn't say a word, she tried to protest but he pulled her, leading her to the elevators and up two floors. They finally stopped at a circular hallway connecting rooms and he stopped right in front of Jay's.

"He is alive, they are doing everything they can, we have to go because we can't be down here but I trust these people, they will take care of him." She nodded, tears shimmering in her eye.

She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, she was covered in blood and she looked as if she had aged twenty years. She scrubbed her hands vaguely underneath the faucet, turning the water crimson with Jay's blood. Jay's blood, she had seen blood before, she had seen Jules and obviously, Nadia and the thought of losing Jay destroyed her. She yanked a few paper towels from the dispenser and wiped her hands dry before giving herself one more once over in the mirror, before taking breathing out a shaky breath and pulling the door open. She rejoined her team in the waiting area and she realized that they look as bad as she did. Kim caught her eye especially; she could see the guilt and worry on her face as Adam squeezed her hand tight. Antonio stared off at nothing, lost in his own thoughts and Alvin and Kevin both gripped their coffee cups while making meaningless conversation.

She settled herself in a corner chair, even though she was technically back she still felt distances from the team, as if she had missed a lot because she was being stubborn and stupid. She looked down at her clothes, blood smeared them, it made her stomach knot up, and a wave of nausea passed through her.

"Here," The raspy voice of her surrogate father spoke as he tossed a pair of generic hospital scrubs in the chair beside her.

"Thanks," She murmured picking them up and placing them on her lap. She did not know what to say to Hank, they car ride to the hospital had been filled with panic and confusion and now here they were sitting together, nothing but silence surrounded them.

"Listen, I appreciate the fact that you kept my job safe, I know that was tough, I'm sure everyone was on your back about it."

"I told you Erin, like the first day you moved in with me, I'm gonna take care of you but you have to really put in an effort."

"I realize that any trust you had for me went down the drain when I bailed on the team and took the bars with Bunny."

"I'm not the only on that lost the trust, you didn't just leave me, you're going to have to gain it back and it won't be easy." She nodded her head and stood up with the scrubs in hand.

"Er," He called; she turned and looked to him with sadness in her eyes.

"You'll always be my family." She smiled a touch or relief in her eyes as she turned back around and headed to the bathroom.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

When Voight woke up the next morning, he would not find Erin in the spare room because she had already headed to the hospital. It was a fitful night of sleep and when she was able to drift off nightmares flooded her head. The minute 7:30am hit she jumped out of bed showered changed clothes then booked it to the hospital. When she arrived the halls were bustling as nurses and doctors walked in and out or rooms doing their morning rounds. She walked to the front desk and waited as the nurse at the counter finished her phone call.

"Hello, how may I help you," The woman smiled.

"Hi, I'm here to see Jay Halstead," She replied anxiously.

"Are you family?" She asked in an unsure manor.

"No I'm his work partner," She replied.

"Can I just have your name?"

"Erin Lindsay," She replied, she grew concerned that she would not be able to see him.

"Ah, okay you are on the list, here," She wrote down the room number and smiled as she handed it over to Erin. "Now, just walk down this hall and keep an eye out for the green elevators. Take those up to the third floor and this is his room number.

"Thank you so much."

"It's not a problem, have a wonderful day."

As Erin left she wondered how she got on the list, surely Will knew that Erin had ditched the team but maybe it was because she helped save Jay that he put her on the list. She walked to the green elevators and took it to where she was supposed to and as soon as the doors opened, the smell of sanitizer hit her hard. She smiled at couple of nurses at the nurses' station but then returned her focus back on the room numbers.

"302, 303, 304…" She read them to herself until she hit room 308. She stopped dead in her tracks unsure of what she was going to see. She was hell bent on seeing him but now it was all so scary to think about seeing him with different tubes and what not like on medical show or when she sees a victim that way. She walked over and saw the door open so she knocked and walked in.

"Erin, good to see you," Will greeted her, standing up and shaking her hand.

"How is he doing?"

"As well as expected, he hasn't woken up but it may be a while his body is still recovering from the blood loss and the other damages done." He looked at his brother and frowned, Erin knew this wasn't the first time Will had seen his brother like this.

"I didn't mean to interrupt, I thought I'd just come see him for a while, I can come back." She insisted.

"No stay, I was just leaving, I have to go back to work anyway." He got up to walk away but stopped short at the door and turned back to her. "You know he talks about you a lot, he cares for you."

She sat and took in those words, Jay cares for her, that was nothing new and she felt the same way but was it love?


	3. Time to think

She sat with him for an hour, in silence unsure of what to say to him. Sure, he was unconscious but she heard that they could still here you, so here she was sitting racking her brain. She looked at him, he was so peaceful, his chest rose and fell in rhythm of his heart monitor.

"Come on Jay, you know I'm here waiting," She knew there was going to be no reply but she could not help but to hold her breath for one. "I was an idiot Jay, there is no amounts of apologies that will make up for what I've said and done to both you and the team." She looked down at her hands, they shook as she remembered the blood that covered them yesterday. All the images ran through her mind and the feelings of fear and pain washed over her, as she felt overwhelmed. How could she have been so foolish to believe in anything Bunny said?

"I was an absolute idiot, I put my trust in the wrong person, Bunny has been nothing but a disappointment my whole life, she made me miserable and I chose to listen to her." She reached out her hand and held his, the warmth flowed through her and a tear slid down her face. A knock on the door caused her to release his hand and whip around.

"Thought I'd find you here," The raspy voice of Hank filled the room, a small smile appeared on his face.

"Yeah, not a lot of other places I'd be." She tried to joke but no smile would reach her lips.

"Listen," He began as he pulled a chair next to her. "I want you to know that I was angry when you chose Bunny over the team and I am beyond pissed about the things you did while you were on the downward spiral."

"I'm not proud Voight, everything I did was just me throwing my own pity party."

"We all lost her, it wasn't your fault, it was no one's fault except the scumbag that killed her."

"I wish there was a way that I could just apologize and make everything magically okay but I know there is no way of that, I made a stupid decision and now here I am sitting next to my partner who's back I should have covered."

"He knew the risks, we all did and he went through with it, Burgess had his back, Erin if you coming back is just because of him…"

"I came back because he was my partner in trouble and this is my team."

"There is more to it than that Erin."

"Hank," She began to protest.

"Do you think I'm stupid Erin, its in plain sight and id be a horrible detective if I didn't see it, you like him." She was silent. "I don't want to be unfair because I gave Burgess and Ruzek a pass but you need to figure it out, I'm not having all my team in love." He stood up and nodded at her before disappearing out of the room. He was right she had to figure it out.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

It was only minutes after he woke up on day three, it had been three days of fear and confusion over her emotions. At one point on day two Erin sat down and wrote out a pro and con list but decided to scrap the idea when she began to feel overwhelmed and had a mini panic attack. She kept sneaking a glance at him while she tried to stay tuned into the discussion with Adam, Kim and Antonio but she was finding it had because she was distracted by his smile, the one she missed all those months that she had skipped out on.

It took two hours but soon everyone left and Jay looked exhausted, as the last of the team filed out she rounded the bed and stood beside him. He rubbed his eyes with his good hand and let out a yawn as his eyelids drooped down ready to close.

"All that superhero work catching up you?" She teased.

"I mean I am the equivalent to Superman himself," he joked back.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, get some sleep."

"You heading out?"

"No, I'm staying."

"Come on Erin, you've been here the whole time, I know I hear things, go home I'll be here in the morning." She nodded, grabbed her jacket off the chair and made her way to the doorway but stopped short.

"Jay?" She turned around and saw him adjusting himself in the hospital bed.

"Yeah," He looked over with those beautiful green eyes and an eyebrow raised.

"I'm sorry, for everything." She did not even wait for a response she turned back and walked out leaving Jay hanging with her apology.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

"Clear," she called down the hallway, behind her Antonio and Adam nodded before disappearing into separate rooms to clear. She continued down the dark hallway, the lights flickered and everything was thrown out of sorts. She knew where she was going, the end room on the left where the lights did not reach and the only thing illuminating the hall was the moonlight peering into the windows. Her heartbeat quickened as she heard a gunshot go off, which caused her to sprint down the hallway to reach the doorway. She rounded to doorway, terrified by what she might find but somehow the room transformed and she was in the morgue where a single light dangled over two beds with white sheets draped over the bodies laying on the cold metal slabs.

She slowly walked to the beds and hovered for a moments not wanting to see who they were, her blood ran cold just thinking about it. With a shaky hand she pulled away the first sheet and she lost her breath, it was Nadia. She backed away running into a tray of tools sending them clattering to the floor. Tears fell as she gasped for air, all the emotions of guilt and hurt hit her and she began to feel like she could resort back to her bad habits. It took everything in her to step around Nadia's body and over to the other covered sheet and as she pulled back the sheet there was no body, it disappeared and all that was left was a badge and a gun. She took the badge and read the number, it was Jay's, she was confused but as she looked up he stood in front of her, he looked at her with sadness in his face.

"Why'd you leave Erin, why did you give up on our partnership?" A gunshot echoed through the room causing them both to jump. She looked around the room and spotted no traces of a shooter but then she looked back and saw Jay looking down at his chest where a crimson stain blossomed on his pale blue shirt.

"You should have been there," He said before collapsing on the ground.

"No!" She screamed as she ran to him. She threw her hands over his wound but the bleeding was only getting worse. "Jay, I'm so sorry, please stay with me," she pleaded tears rolled down her cheek and fell on his face.

"You should have been here," He said once again but this time he closed his eyes closed and he stopped breathing.

"I know I should have been there, I should have been there." She fell back and brought her knees to her chest sobbing by his body.

"Erin," She jolted up out of breath and the stains of tears on her face. Hank sat on her bed and looked deeply concerned as she regained her senses, she looked at him still slightly confused and the tears rose in her eyes and she grabbed Hank in a death grip of a hug as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I should have been there," She said again.


	4. Secret

He could feel her watching him out of the corner of his eye, it was a late Tuesday afternoon and they both sat watching television. The hospital was quiet today and The team as well as Will were all working so Erin volunteered to stay behind with Jay.

"Okay, what gives," He asked clicking off the TV and slowly turning to her.

"What?"

"What do you mean 'What', you are staring at mean, you act like our lives have never been in danger before!"

"Well this was a really close one."

"Yeah and so was the time that I had a bounty on my head," He pointed out.

"Jay what was the last thing you remember?"

"Why?" He asked with suspicion.

"I just want to know."

"Honestly, I remember being shot and that's about it, why what am I missing?"

"Nothing," She responded quickly, which only made Jay ask again.

"Obviously it was something Erin; you have been acting weird these last few days."

"Well the men who shot you were after me." She reacted quickly, this obviously was not the reason that she was acting strange, he didn't remember her confessing her love to him.

"This isn't what I think this is about is it?"

"I feel like this is slightly my fault," She lied.

"Well its not, you didn't pull the trigger."

"I suppose you're right."

"Wow, wait a minute did you just tell me I'm right, I you say that again I need to make it a ringtone."

"Shut up." She laughed, smiling as she looked at his goofy grin and listening to his soft laughter.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

It was her first day back at the job, she was almost too terrified to step over the line into the precinct, she felt her heart beat, the pulsing spread through her body, she could even hear the blood rushing in her ears. She looked up at the old building, the familiar building that she had been for half of her life, a mix of good and bad. She sighed as she watched some uniformed officers exit, she watched as two others yanked in a fighting perp, she had been there before.

"Hey, you know you can't start work until you walk into the precinct," A voice joked behind her; she smiled and turned to meet Alvin.

"I know," She gave a weary smile before turning her gaze back at the building. "I feel like this is the first day of school."

"Well technically it's not your first day, it's just returning back after some time off," He reasoned with her.

"I know," She responded still staring at the precinct, how could a building make her feel so small. She wanted to be here, she had taken back her shield and had made it here this morning and yet here she was having this freak out.

"I'm going in, I hope to see you in there soon," Olinsky spoke patting her on the shoulder before pulling open the door and disappearing from her sight. She began to pace unsure of how to proceed just as her phone began to ring. She pulled the phone from her pocket and looked at the caller; unknown, confused she slid the bar to unlock the phone and placed it to her ear.

"Hello," She answered curiously,

"Hey," it was Jay, she was surprised to hear from him it was 8:30am and she knew he had been up late and sleeping in even later, of course the reasoning being his body needed to recharge in order to heal or at least that is how Will explained.

"What's up are you alright?" He sounded fine and she didn't know why her mind went there but with Jay and her luck and the luck of everyone around her she was being extra cautious.

"So Ruzek called," He responded.

"Okay, is Adam not allowed to call you."

"Listen don't be Sassy, I can take my time I was shot you have to be nice to me."

"Yeah you can only use that excuse so many times."

"Anyway…" He emphasized the word as to indicate that they needed to get back on topic.

"Okay, anyway Adam called you…" She recapped.

"Yes and he says you have been standing outside of the precinct for twenty five minutes, and I'm pretty sure work begins now."

"I'm just nervous is all," She defended her actions.

"Wow, Erin Lindsay, nervous that's one for the books," He teased.

"Shut up Halstead, if you have forgotten I left the team for months and now I am just up and walking back in as if nothing happened."

"Well you can think of it not as your first day back because technically they day you saved my ass was your first day back."

"I suppose."

"And everyone in there is excited your back so walk your ass back in there and get to work, I don't want to have to pick up too much slack when I get back." She rolled her eyes but let out a chuckle.

"Fine, I'm going, I'll stop by after work tonight."

"Sounds good to me, go kick ass, you'll be fine.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Her first week was perfectly fine, they caught a case of a murdered gangbanger and it took them a couple of days but they not only caught the murderer but also shut down and illegal weapons selling ring. She was exhausted and thought the team was going out for drinks she had one place she needed to be. Today Jay had been released and brought home by his brother and she was so happy, he had been doing a lot better sleeping less and getting stronger. Will had called her and told her that he was working so she should "check" on Jay, she figured that he knew that she liked him, so that's what she did. She picked up takeout and grabbed some beer and headed to the apartment of the Halstead brothers. She knocked on the door but there was no answer, she waited about a minute before she knocked again and this time she heard some rattling around.

"I swear to God Will, if you forgot your key again I going to staple it to your forehead for next time." He yanked open the door with his good arm and his face turned red. "You are not Will."

"Nope, but I was sent here by him to check up on you." The red faded and he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow to accompany the small grin that formed.

"So now I need a babysitter."

"Hey he is your younger brother."

"Well I should remind him of that."

"Okay so you don't need the company, or the gifts that I bring."

"Oh, now wait I never said that," He stepped aside and let her in. She walked in and took in the familiarity, the house was clean like Jay always kept it, the TV on with the some game on. "So how has work been?" He called from the kitchen as she sat down on the couch.

"Good," she replied.

"And are you happy to be back," He returned with a couple of plates.

"Yeah."

"Okay what gives?" He placed the plated on the coffee table and turned to her arms crossed.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a detective just like you and its easy to tell that something's up."

"It's just a little odd being back, you know after everything I did and I feel like everyone is walking on eggshells with me."

"We all make mistakes Er."

"Putting all my trust and faith in the wrong person and relapsing, that's a little more than the few mistakes everyone makes."

"You're only human and besides she is your mother."

"Yeah but she is a horrible mother, she made so many bad decisions and I took care of her addictions, I saw what she was and grew up having a crappy childhood and yet I let her in my head."

"You're not alone on that," He responded twisting the cap off his beer.

"You always say your mom was a saint."

"But my father wasn't," He said, suddenly everything seemed to turn deathly serious, Jay had told her about his mother but rarely spoke of his father, the only thing she knew about him was that he was alive and lived about five miles out of town. "He was a bully and a drunk but I hated it, he would drink himself to oblivion, my mom was sick and I was left with taking care of my brother."

"That's terrible," Erin said with quick swig of her beer.

"I like to kind of thank him in a way, I had to grow up fast, I learned how to do things for myself and I wouldn't be where I am today without his selfishness."

"I guess but I think for me and Bunny, we always brought the worst out of each other and I always tried to justify it."

"She is your mother, when I was younger I put my trust in faith in my father, there is nothing you can do, she is family you love her."

"I am not so sure right now," She stared out the window lost in thought.

"You say that and I know you don't mean that, Bunny is a lot of things and it's hard to accept that but would you have been a cop if she wasn't all those horrible things."

"Probably not," She said glad that he was bringing herself out the self pity trip she was dragging out. "Who knows I could have been the next female president," She teased, he laughed and she followed suit taking in the gorgeous smile and the contagious laugh.


	5. If i could only tell

Erin held up the cup of coffee in front of Will's face as he yanked his jacket off the hook and his keys off the table. It was day three of Jay being home and between doctoring at the hospital and doctoring Jay at home Erin began to wonder how Will got anything done.

"Thanks Erin, listen his meds, those are on the table, he needs to take on every four hours, he took on an hour ago."

"I was here for this spiel yesterday, remember, now go you are going to be late for work," She said making sure that he took the coffee on his way out. She spotted him still bed ridden per Dr. Will's request, he was deep in thought and looking at what looked to be a box of photos.

"Whacha got there partner?" She sat on the empty side of the bed and swiped the photo from his hand. It was one she was familiar with, it was her and Jay on the day of their first arrests together as partners.

"Remember when we first became partners," He asked trying to reminisce.

"We hated each other the first day," She laughed as she handed the photo back.

"I mean it was hard to be partners with someone so stubborn," He said placing the photo on the coffee table.

"Stubb… excuse me I am far from stubborn, I am confident!"

"Confident that you need to get your way maybe," He laughed.

"Hey, you were the one who was stubborn, I was on the team way before you, you should have just followed my lead." He smiled as he watched her laugh, reliving the memory.

"This is great, its been a while since I've seen you laugh." She blushed slightly but a small glimmer of a smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

"I'm glad you were my partner, I mean even though you are a pain in my ass."

"You aren't so perfect yourself, who does Hank have you with now?"

"Dawson, its nice and I even let him drive but I miss you."

"I missed you too," The smile faded and she looked down at her hands slightly embarrassed. "I didn't mean it that way…"

"No, its fine, I know I just left and let my life spiral, but I also know that you were there by my side the whole time even when I didn't want you to be."

"That's what partners are for," He smiled.

"And I need to work on that as a partner instead of bailing when times get tough."

"Nadia's death hit you the hardest, no one blames you for you going into that state of…"

"Depression and a whole lot of drinking," She finished the sentence as her own.

"I'm always going to be your partner, and I won't lie when you left and pushed me away it hurt, the trust I had dwindled down but I know we can work through this, we have been in tougher spots."

"Yeah, I want to gain that trust back and it will take some time but I think I can work for it."

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

She helped him settle back down on the couch and place a beer in his hand before clicking on the game. It was almost eight thirty and Will would be home soon so the night was winding down to an end. She looked at Jay who had his eyes glued to the tv, and she wondered what he remembered. He had told her he lost a lot of trust, which was understandable so maybe he was not ready to admit that he remembered her pouring her guts out to him. She pulled her eyes away from him, she was over thinking it, and instead she moved over to the coffee table and picked up the box, which caught Jay's attention. As she flipped through the photos she saw a lot of the team in them, Ruzek and Jay after a drug bust, Antonio and him when he first started on the unit and some others in the mix but then she saw the others, the ones of Jay's Ranger's days.

"Wow, look at Mouse he looks so different!" It was true that was Mouse in the pictures but he was not as skinny as he was now, he wasn't fat but rather a little bulky in a muscular tone.

"Yeah, I always tell him he let himself go," Jay joked as he watched her flip through more.

"Was this your team?"

"Some of them, those three were from a different base called in to help with that mission."

"Do you keep in touch with them?" As soon as she let the words, slip out she saw his smile fade and she could guess why.

"Well its only Mouse and I, there was an attack," He paused the torment of the memory still vivid in his mind as if it were only yesterday.

"You don't have to…"

"No, it fine I really keep that day behind me, it messed me up and Mouse as you know he really hit rock bottom. Our Humvee ran over an IED and killed my team Mouse and I got "lucky" but knowing that you survived over the men and woman who had the Husbands or Wives, even kids it really eats you up."

"It must have been truly awful, but you had Mouse."

"He was the one who helped me back here, he was like a crutch but then he fell through the cracks, got into some stuff and I tried to keep an eye on him but he was always disappearing."

"But then he became a CI," Lindsay asked.

"Yeah but it wasn't until we needed that tech person that I got him cleaned up and ready for a steady job."

"Either way he is lucky to have you," She pointed out.

"And I'm lucky to have him." He smiled before letting out a large yawn and settling into the couch. It stayed silent but she knew then that she wanted to know what he remembered.

"Hey Jay," She began.

"Yeah," He answered in a drowsy tone.

"What do you remember from the night that you got shot?"

"Last thing I remember was going up with burgess to cover security detail for the CI and then the shooting, and being shot."

"Nothing after that,"

"Mhmm." She felt him rest his head on her shoulder.

"Then you don't remember what we said to each other, what I said to you." She could feel the tears begin to form. " I told you I loved you and I know that it was in the moment but I still mean it Jay because thinking about life without you seems unbearable. I know I screwed up but I mean it, I love you." She waited for a response but none came and when she looked at him she knew why, he had fallen asleep. For now, her love for him was still a secret.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Hello all, so sorry these chapters are taking forever, this new job is keeping me busy and tired but I love it so much, Thank you for all the comments about last chapter, I am so glad you liked it. Please review and let me know how this chapter went. Thanks! Love Layna


	6. new beginnings

"Hey, welcome back Halstead," Antonio shouted from across Molly's. Jay, who was still not 100% but had talked, Will into letting go from the captive state.

"Hell yeah, you aren't getting rid of me that easy, I expect to be catching more criminals in no time." Erin smiled as she placed a beer in front of him; it had been a week since she had been over to visit him. Most of the cause had been the case the team was working on, the other was she was still unsure of her feelings and acting on them. He smiled at her as he took a swig of beer just as Ruzek and Atwater began the story on how they took down the Cavillari brothers.

"It was pretty crazy today," She summed it up, it had been, having Antonio by her side as they caught the gang today and took down the biggest smuggling ring they had seen in ages. She laughed as Ruzek reenacted the tack down, the humor of the night when the leader Roger Cavillari clothes lined himself as he tried to run from Adam. It was good to be sitting here with the gang again sharing drinks and stories, it had been a long time since she heard the will stories of Adam or heard the actual events retold by Atwater, and seeing Jay laugh. She caught quick glances of Jay every once in a while and occasionally he caught her, and for a moment he would look confused but she smiled back and he just looked away. The night went great and when closing time finally came around she followed Jay out into the brisk night's air.

"Hey," She walked up to just after Antonio had said goodbye to him.

"Hey yourself," He responded, starting to walk to his apartment.

"So you had fun tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm glad Jay is taking off the kids gloves."

"Yeah well you still have a ways to go there before you are a 100% there my friend." She wrapped her arms around herself, shielding her torso from the Chicago cold.

"I'll get there, so what was up with you tonight, I mean you were kind of quiet."

"I was not." He stopped and raised his eyebrow in a knowing gesture.

"Come on you didn't call Ruzek out once in his story."

"That is Kevin's job now." She explained.

"Yeah, I supposed so…" He wasn't convinced. She shivered slightly and began to walk again. They reached his apartment and she stood in front of him in an awkward silence.

"Wanna come up, have a beer."

"I don't want to be there when Will gives you a lecture on how late you stayed out."

"Jokes on you he is working an overnight tonight."

"He will find out eventually," She said following him to the door, his first floor apartment was a short walk but she waited as he unlocked to door and they stepped into the warmth of his home."

"I can feel my fingers again." She said plopping down on the couch.

"Yeah, those Chicago seasons are getting harder to deal with." He handed her beer and sat directly next to her, rotating his shoulder before opening his bottle.

"Is it acting up?"

"Not anymore than usual." He could feel her continuing stare. "I'm fine really."

"I know," She responded turning her gaze to the television.

"You know when I was shot… I was glad it was you who found me."

"Of course, you're my partner even if I did stray away for a little while."

"You know that's all kind of fuzzy to me, the last thing I remember is you standing in that door way and its frustrating not remembering after that."

"You'll get it back besides all you need to remember is me saving your ass." She lied.

"Bits and pieces seem to be showing up and I don't know whether I imagined them or not."

"Such as…" She pushed nervously; she could hear her heart pounding.

"Never mind, it was probably nothing."

"No Jay what," This verified it for him, the nervous look on her face and the anxiety in her eyes said it all, he wasn't imagining the whole conversation, it wasn't a dream.

"You told me you loved me." He watched as tears welled up in her eyes and she nodded. "Was it just because you were afraid I was going to die."

"I mean in a way yes, I was afraid of losing you, so I told you how I felt."

"Why didn't you tell me after I woke up?"

"Because I was trying to figure out if I still mean it, I mean now that you're okay."

He yanked her close and their lips connected in a passionate kiss, one long overdue. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and his hand caressed her cheek, it was like they whole world around them stopped. The kiss broke and she looked at him in the eyes.

"Well," He asked.

"Yeah, I meant it," She pulled him close again and their lips locked, the answer was clear, they both loved each other, no more wondering.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

The next few days they kept it to themselves, not even Will knew which was in fact a hard secret to keep. She woke up this morning her head rested on his chest, the even steady rise and fall of his chest comforted her. This was where she was supposed to be and it took her way to long to get there. The morning sun peeked through the curtains and illuminated the room in bright streaks, today marked a very important.

"Ready for duty today?" She asked as she stood up throwing on her shirt.

"If I get partnered up with you I am," He followed her around the room getting ready for the big day. It had been a long road for him but he was ready to go back. Will had of course protested but the therapist and doctor had cleared Jay for duty.

"So are we going to tell people," Erin asked the elephant in the room, she watched as he slowed down and she could tell how he was thinking this over.

"Maybe not right away," He turned to her. She was a little surprised when she heard the answer, he had for so long wanted to be together and told her he did not care who knew. On the other hand, she knew this was his first day back and he should be back on his best behavior so until then he agreed.

"Okay, then until then we are on the down low." She kissed him before walking to the kitchen.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

"Hey look what the cat dragged in," She heard Adam called and she looked up to see Jay walking up with a skip in his step flashing his pearly whites as a clap began.

"Welcome back partner," She smiled her knowing smile and she could have sworn she saw a wink happen. The team crowded around him welcoming him back, all making the usual teasing and poking fun, she laughed and rolled her eyes because she knew that he was enjoying this way too much.

"Welcome back Halstead, and just in time for a new case," Voight walked in to join the team in the greeting.

"Glad to be back Voight," He caught a glance at Erin and grinned for some reason their secret was becoming to be a little tougher to hide.

"Well now that we have our whole team lets get a move on we have a killer to catch." Erin made her way to Jay and gave him a playful nudge grinned at him.

"Glad to have you back partner." She said in an almost teasing tone.

"Hey me too if I saw another as the world turn I was going to go insane." He looked over at Hank's office where Hank was grabbing his coat. "Well I'm not the only one back I'm glad you are too though when Kim was my partner she let me drive."

"Well that's too bad I have the keys." He shook his head and was about to speak again but Kim called up from downstairs.

"Hey, are you two coming?"

"Yeah," They both answered. They looked at each other and smiled, He loved her dimples they brought out her wonderful smile. "Come on partner lets go catch a bad guy." He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead him to the staircase.


End file.
